Leaving the Land of Comparison
I cried in the shower because someone else’s child was thriving.
Not because I wasn’t happy for them. I was.
But in that moment, as water drowned the sound of my tears, I felt something shift.
Not resentment. Not envy.
Just the heavy, familiar ache that so many ADHD parents feel in silence:
The guilt.
The self-comparison.
The worry that maybe my child is struggling because of something I did, or didn’t do.
It’s a parenting emotion that doesn’t get talked about enough, especially for those raising neurodivergent kids.
That moment pulled me back to a place I’ve worked so hard to leave: The Land of Comparison.
That quiet, aching landscape where love gets tangled with doubt.
Where you start to wonder:
- Did I give them enough opportunities?
- Did I miss something important?
- Are they falling behind because of me?
Even when you know the answer is no…the feeling still lands before the logic.
Someone else’s child’s success can stir up:
- Pride for them
- Joy for their family
- And then, grief that your own child is still stuck, or scared, or struggling to leave the house
It’s not that you want to swap stories.
It’s that you want more for your own child.
And sometimes, even if you’re doing everything you can, it still doesn’t feel like enough.
I don’t live in the Land of Comparison anymore.
But the path there is well-worn, and sometimes the door swings open without me even noticing I’ve stepped through it.
And each time I do, I remind myself:
I’m not chasing gold stars or milestones.
I’m trying to unlearn those maps. For them, and for me.
Because my children are already impressive.
Not because of what they achieve.
But because of who they are, and how much they carry just to get through the day.
I just wish the world could see it, too.
💛 If this is you
If you’ve ever cried in secret,
wondering if you’re doing enough,
not because you don’t love your child,
but because you love them so much it hurts…
You’re not alone.
You’re not ungrateful and you’re not broken.
You are just parenting in a world that doesn’t always know how to see what’s already remarkable.
This space — Rewriting Normal — was built for moments like that.
Even with all the love in the world, it can be hard to know whether we’re doing enough, especially when ADHD changes the rules of parenting. This article from ADDitude reminded me that acceptance doesn’t mean giving up, it means starting from where your child really is.
